A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.
Totaal onverwags en meestal snaaks.
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station .
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted pay cheques.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’I put ‘DOCTOR.”
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there’s a will, there are relatives.
Finally: I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
“Take my wife—please!” —Henny Youngman
“There but for the grace of God—goes God.” —Winston Churchill
“If I could just say a few words… I’d be a better public speaker.” —Homer Simpson
“If I am reading this graph correctly—I’d be very surprised.” —Stephen Colbert
“On his feet he wore…blisters.” —Aristotle
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” —Groucho Marx
“I like going to the park and watching the children run around because they don’t know I’m using blanks.” —Emo Philips
“I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.” —Mitch Hedberg
“I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night.” —Bill Hicks
“I don’t belong to an organized political party. I’m a Democrat.” —Will Rogers
“On the other hand, you have different fingers.” —Steven Wright
“He was at his best when the going was good.” —Alistair Cooke